Stephen Davies, Esquire

Deep in the bowels of Trinkle Hall resides a carbon-based life form known to outsiders only as Stephen. This mysterious being fulfills several roles not widely known to humankind.

Some of these functions are delineated below. Please memorize them and then immediately destroy this page upon reading it.

Areas of operation

College professor Stephen teaches computer science and data science to willing undergraduates, shaping them into the heroes of tomorrow.
  • Empowering
  • Important
  • Fun
  • Cool
  • All-encompassing
  • Ever-changing
 50% of total time
Dad With a wife, three teenagers, and two cats (one of whom throws up a lot), Stephen's home life is a constant source of love, anxiety, and Hallmark moments.
  • Amazing
  • Fun
  • Important
  • Challenging
 30% of total time
Kids Club Leader At Calvary Chapel Fredericksburg, Stephen teaches/corrals/herds local K-5th graders at the Wednesday night Kids Club. He instructs them in Bible lessons, activities, crafts, and how to act responsibly.
  • Cute
  • Exhausting
  • Character-building
  • Important
 10% of total time
Secret Agent Stephen earned his license to kill in 2007, and fights for truth and justice in many places in the world.
  • Thrilling
  • High-impact
  • Dangerous
  • Cool
  • Daring
 5% of total time
Jedi Master Sought after for his wisdom, perspective, and unmatched skills with a lightsaber, Stephen protects the interests of the Galactic Republic.
  • Important
  • Thrilling
  • Challenging
  • Daring
  • Cool
  • Lit
 5% of total time